A Journey Unfolding: The Mystery of Trusting God

There was a story I remember hearing in a college religion class many years ago, although I don’t know the origin. There was a woman living in a small English town who was known as the town gossip. The rector of the local church tried everything he could to get her to stop what she was saying about others, because it often wasn’t true yet people tended to believe what she said. So one afternoon he asked her to walk up to the top of the bell tower with him. He carried up a pillowcase stuffed with loose feathers. When they got to the top, he gave the woman the pillowcase and asked her to empty it over the side of the tower. It was a windy day so all of the feathers were blown around in every direction imaginable. She handed the empty pillowcase back to the rector, but he asked her to hold onto it for a moment. Next, he told her to go down the stairs and outside to pick up all of the feathers and put them back in the pillowcase. She looked at him with astonishment and said to him, “That’s impossible to do! They are all over and I won’t ever find all of them!” The rector sternly looked at her and replied, “You are quite right! However, this is exactly what happens every time you gossip about people! What you’ve said gets spread from person to person many times over and, before you know it, people are ostracized from the town, church, groups, businesses, and neighbors for some reason of which they are not aware. Reputations are ruined, integrity and character are damaged, and feelings are hurt. Yet they have no way of addressing the issues, just as you have no way to gather all of the feathers, because they aren’t aware of what was initially said as well as how the story changed as it was repeated from person to person. Think about the irreparable damage you cause to others, and what the impact on your life would be if you were the victim of gossip. I hope that now you can think before you speak and stop hurting others.”

            There used to be a healthy skepticism when we received information. We used common sense to evaluate people and situations. We valued one another, worked together to build better communities, and got to know one another on a personal level. There was a time when we could hug others and say we cared without it being misinterpreted as a sexual advance. We were once free to pray or not pray during a moment of silent meditation, whichever we chose. Our opinions were not confused with facts, and we let others know we thought their thinking was incorrect without fear of retaliation. We didn’t kill innocent children and adults because they disagreed with us and made us angry. We went to school to learn and make friends, but not to make socializing the main goal. There was an awareness that God was our Creator and was watching over our words and behaviors in addition to us.

            When did respect for our elders and authority begin to be replaced with mouthing off and lack of control? Why are those who are blatantly doing wrong not held accountable for their bad, immoral, or illegal behavior? Why do those who protest often become angry mobs, because this belittles the very point they are trying to make? Why don’t people obey the laws instead of constantly trying to skirt them? Far too many people want to do only what they want, rather than what is best for everyone, even though the laws exist in order to better help us live together safely. The rule of law is the backbone of democracy yet so many people think the law doesn’t apply to them. People tend to do whatever they want when they think no one is watching.

            We have our rights and freedoms but that doesn’t mean we can do what we want in every circumstance, because others have rights and freedoms too. Freedoms need to be exercised responsibly with consideration of the freedoms of others, and sometimes we have to wait our turn. Far too many people have become like spoiled and demanding children, having a temper tantrum when they don’t get what they want when they want it. Immediate gratification has far too often become the norm, and the word sacrifice has been removed from the dictionary of life. Yet it is sacrifice that builds character and teaches us that we don’t always need what we want so badly. There’s also a phrase in Catholic circles that “when God wishes to punish us, He gives us exactly what we want.” That’s because people often confuse want with need, and want is driven by desire rather than necessity.

            It never used to be unusual to belong to a church or faith. It was commonplace and respected. It defined who we are and others made a mental note that praying was a part of us. It was no big deal. No one felt threatened either way because we just accepted others as they were. We were free to walk away if we couldn’t accept that, or anything else, about them. I was fortunate enough to work at a hospital which employed people of all races and all religions embracing around thirty-five different nationalities. There were different sexual orientations, but out of respect nothing was mentioned. We all got along and worked well together in our service to others, and we respected all for who they were.

            Now that I’m older, I understand that younger generations are hardwired differently. They approach things differently, think about things differently, listen differently, use a different jargon, and technology has become like a third hand. I’m not saying there’s anything wrong with that, but rather that there’s no merging of the old with the new so that older people aren’t left behind because of the technology gap. There’s a wealth of experience which is being lost because it’s considered nontechnical, nonproductive, and irrelevant. Once this is lost, because those who can teach it have left the workforce and eventually died, it will be lost forever. It would seem more reasonable for young to teach old while old teaches the young, instead of employers trying not to hire anyone over fifty in order to cut their salary budgets. This is not only shortsighted but deprives older adults of an opportunity to maintain a good quality of life, and that used to be illegal. It’s a shame and a waste of valuable human resources, because age is just a number and not a determinant of the capability to learn.

            My longtime employer created a great environment for everyone to work alongside each other. There are many kind and understanding people of all races and cultures, so openly communicating between people is a way to melt differences. Today everyone is afraid because they don’t want to say the wrong things to offend someone. However, that’s part of life as we try to learn and understand one another. Once the fear goes away, mistakes are forgiven, and we can begin to build trust in one another. We can begin to reach out when the fear of offending someone is allowed to dissipate through patience, forgiveness, and understanding of what it really means to be a community.

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            There are important life tools to be gained through difficulties. I spoke of suffering at length in Chapter 10, but it’s important to restate that humans don’t learn things well without some struggle unless, of course, your purpose is to raise a generation of children who think both you and they can do nothing wrong. What happens when this mindset continues into adulthood and they won’t accept correction from an employer, for instance? They won’t be able to handle or accept that they did something wrong, because they were never told that in order to not damage their self-esteem. This doesn’t bode well for society or all of the people involved in their lives, because then there are no rules to live and abide by. If I believe I’m perfect, there’s no need to work toward anything, or evaluate and change my behavior.

Reinforcement of laws becomes almost impossible because some have been raised to believe they can do no wrong. If one believes in God or a higher power, isn’t that implying that people are equal to our omniscient God. If everyone believed that, we would all be equating ourselves with God. So how could we possibly live in harmony with each other? If I believe I’m as omniscient as God and everyone I interact with believes the same of themselves, then what kind of mental schism is created when we differ? There’s no avenue to resolve our differences because everyone believes they are all knowing and always right. There’s no ability to compromise without the recognition that none of us sees the world as it actually is much of the time. We only see the narrow aspect of what we are focusing on at that moment through the lens of what only we have experienced.

            It took me years of maturing to realize that each of us can learn from the differences of others, because these very differences look at reality in a unique way and allow me to rethink how I see the world in which I live. Differences are refreshing, not threatening. Each of us brings certain insights and abilities to the world within which we live and the communities we serve. The United States has often been described as a melting pot because we welcome others from around the world who have the hope of creating a better life for their families. All are welcome just as in the Kingdom of God. Each of us has been created by God for a definite and divine purpose. Each and every one of us is unique in God’s eyes, and our limits steer us toward the path God has wanted us to take all along.

            Societies throughout the world swing in a pendulum motion as values relax and then become stricter when behavior gets out of control. Instant gratification has become a way of life for many, but when this is a common occurrence life becomes dull and unfulfilling. Perhaps it’s time to rely less on our urges and start behaving as a people who knows the difference between right and wrong, truth and lies, and pleasure that isn’t at the expense of others. It all starts changing with each one of us, one-by-one, day-by-day, and year-by-year. It’s only then that the wheels of change will start to turn.